I went to see Mortal Engines because I thought it looked a bit like a Final Fantasy adventure but boy was I wrong. I was disappointed within minutes to discover it was more about a futuristic imperial Britain swallowing up small settlements and enslaving their people, all the while on the road to war in a steampunk battle tank called London.  The double standards of the Tractionists appearing to denounce war while imposing serfdom on their captives, forcing them to join a city bound by a class system based on inequality was too much nonsense to take in at once.   

As a fantasy movie it was more borrowed than new, heavily relying on existing sci-fi concepts. For instance Anna Fang could be straight out of one of the Matrix movies (more likely the sequels than the original). The main threat of violence was also straight from the recycling bin, a killing machine in the form of the Brexitinator named Shrike, who angrily roams the desert landscape in pursuit of a handjob. The most disappointing moment is the twinkie joke which only exemplifies how unoriginal the movie is and what a letdown the script is in parts.

One of the more cinematic and eye catching aspects of this fantasy world was the city in the sky, but this also proved too ridiculous for belief when it was discovered the floors were made from paper. There was also the prison in the sea which was far from waterproof, and the great wall of the east that has no actual shield despite its name.

However Robert Sheehan and Hera Hilmar look amazing together, and not just because of the great costume design, in my opinion their chemistry salvages a bad movie. Their onscreen presence just about pulls things together to invite you into the Mortal Engines world and they keep you on board until the end. I really hope they’re both in a good movie soon, hopefully they even make a move together. The main problem with their potential love affair in this film is that they risk their lives for one another in every second scene but they never even get the shift. I remember a young lad sued coppers for less a few years ago.
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Ultimately I think Mortal Engines will be seen as 2018’s Waterworld without the comeback, as this “Mad Max/Dr Who” hybrid has little to offer the imagination and gains nothing from its kamikaze attempt at becoming a cult classic by being a complete failure on the big screen.  

2018 was the year of the great housing famine in Ireland, post offices were closing down all across the country, hospitals wouldn’t offer you a bed unless you sold your soul to a politician, and rural graduates were immigrating in unquantifiable figures to the three greatest cities of the world at the time; New York, Sydney, & Cork.

Initially people blamed the famine on greedy landlords for putting their houses on AirBnB but it was soon discovered that the government were hoarding houses and selling them abroad despite their own people dying on the streets.

Black 47, probably the most RIC complimentary film of the year, set to the backdrop of the Irish  Potato Famines of 1845 and 1849 has a very similar feel to it. It’s not exactly a history movie. I think Tara Brady of the Irish Times puts it best when she says “it’s not spaghetti western, it’s a potato western”, which is a good indication of what to expect from this movie.

The story line is set around one man and his psychopath sidekick who travel through the west of Ireland without a word of Gaelic, to be honest there are parts of Connaught I wouldn’t go to now without brushing up on my cupla focail, not to mind going there in the 19th century sounding like a contestant from the great British bake off as the whole country was starving to death.

The English gentleman and his soldier hound are searching for an Irish Ranger who’s deserted the army. The ranger equipped with his Rambo knife and gritty stares is causing havoc in lawless towns, galloping around on Shergar Fado Fado through beautiful sweeping landscapes and low budget CGI.

The movie let’s itself down by focusing too much on the “potato western” gun slinging shootouts and omits to connect to the audience on an emotional level. For me it’s not dark enough to earn the title ‘Black’ as there is a lack of poignant scenes that leave you spellbound. 

Perhaps Irish people of the time didn’t cry, I have a 2nd cousin who still thinks hugging other men is gay so maybe it’s true to the time, but I’d bet my last bitcoin that there were more tears shed in 1847 than this movie depicts, after all one million people died of starvation....that’s not a joke, let that sink in for a while, then think about another one million people who were forced to immigrate on coffin ships, then think about hugging your cousin next time you see him Ray.

The script is the movies saving point, well written, surprisingly funny in parts and the accents have a deep Irish authenticity without coming across as half witted youtube mock-ups. The film honours Irish culture and makes an approachable effort to visit the history and the tragedy of the famine. In that sense it’s a worthwhile watch, but from a standalone point of view it’s not going to stack up with other releases this year or other great Irish movies with an historical setting.

​In summary worth a watch if you want to see a movie about the famine but not worth recommending otherwise. 

A disabled lady in her early 30’s fondles herself in her bath every morning for three minutes, so desperate for love and a sense of belonging that she falls in love with a questionable creature which takes the form of a fish type being. In essence to accept this movie you have to step out of your comfort zone, possibly have previous experience with bestiality and either have strong misogynistic tendencies or be entirely passive aggressive in nature.

It’s the kind of movie that in fifteen years time people will look back and go what were you guys thinking, 13 Oscar Nominations, 12 BAFTA nominations, was this really the height or your high brow sophisticated society, this topped common entertainment as your idea of intelligent cinema?

In summary The Shape of Water doesn’t quite cut it as a master piece, however there are some great individual performances and in fact there are some great scenes in this movie which both delight cinematically and theatrically at times. The film has some great moments to its credit which challenge topics such as white privilege, sexism, gay rights, authoritarianism, and racism. The film also works very well to weave in this fantasy setting which is akin to Pan’s Labyrinth and successfully removes you from the world you know, and you gently forget you’re on a well crafted adventure.

However this is also the movies downfall as sometimes the extraordinary is less than believable which leads to implausible scenes and poor quality character development. The film feels more like a series of events which results in the plot growing thin meaning it doesn’t make the impact it should. Disappointingly although it touches on the topics mentioned above it never really challenges them so you’re left with a feeling of disappointment and lost potential by the end of the movie.

Wouldn't worry about missing the tide on this one as it's only mildly enjoyable but altogether uneventful and forgettable. 
Art by Jennifer Dionisio @DionisioJen

I woke up this morning all excited about seeing the most anticipated movie of the year, just then the radio alarm clock went off and there was a guy talking about how he was about to go see The Force Awakens for the eleventh time, a good omen I thought, and yet full of anxiety for having waited for so long.

I got to the cinema twenty minutes prior to show time, surprised to join a queue thirty people long, so much so that I began to grow a bit nervous about not being able to get a ticket, but nevertheless luck was on my side today and I just about got the last one.

So I sit myself in beside two kids with ADHD and what could very well have been the Von Trapp family sitting behind me, all in all I was just in time for the screen to explode with that classic theme tune and opening crawl ‘A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away’. Kids laughter and cheer spread all around me and the air of expectation was infectious.

There is a really good star wars feel to this movie from the onset, the opening scene showing a nomadic tribe unexpectedly attacked by The First Order, a reincarnated version of the empire which has taken hold of the galaxy.
A positive development in the saga is that the camera gets behind a few of the stormtroopers during this opening scene and we learn a lot more about the recruits behind the suits. The drone wars are long over and The New Order is a fascist movement like no other.

The movie gives a new aspect to the stormtroopers, showing that they can think for themselves, their desire for conquest, and as a highly disciplined army who all report to the Supreme Leader, their shooting hasn’t improved much but I think that’s something to do with the helmets anyway.

However after the opening scene the film loses its ingenuity and begins to feel more like a Star Wars replica than a movie which continues to expand on the vastness of the Galaxy. It very much follows the formula of A New Hope with one of the lead characters, unaware of her Jedi powers but with a hidden past which means she has much more to offer than she ever imagined.

The arch villain being the son of Princess Leia and Han Solo takes on a Darth Vader type role with the same desires for conquest but he lacks the kind of megalomaniac tendencies you’d expect to find in such a character. His battle with Finn is rather feeble given he gets injured so easily, when he could use the dark side to rid himself of any threat instead of playing cat and mouse for the sake of pulling out his medieval looking saber, which looks highly impractical to begin with. Kylo Ren is a very disappointing character because he comes with some background story without ever demonstrating the magnitude of his power, and he has no real influence on The New Order and has no motivation for being with the dark side to begin with.

The biggest failing in the film was the imbalance of recycled characters to lack of continuity with the original movies. The film makes little attempt to explain the power shift to ‘The First Order’, and whoops out a steroid version of the death star which they use to attack the Republic mercilessly.

All in all the film was basically a star wars reunion with an old plot rejigged and some new characters introduced. It’s disappointing in the sense that it spends too much time deploying these newbies instead of building context around jedi/sith orders. There is a complete lack of force within the movie, no significant light saber fight, a bad guy from the wizard of oz, and some poor formulaic battle scenes which only rob from and perhaps cheapen the original movies.

​I’m afraid to say it but this movie is no big deal, it’s very much a miss-able prelude to whatever this Disney acquired cash cow is about to produce next. 

Tom Hardy plays Leo Demidov, a Ukrainian orphan who swears allegiance to Soviet Russia. The film starts out with Leo raising the flag for the mother land, a war hero without a watch who has no idea how long this movie feels. Leo matures into a loyal MGB agent in the post war Stalinist era, we get introduced to him as an agent with a pragmatic mind and an honest heart who falls in love with his wife to be Raisa Demidov (Noomi Rapace), an unrestful citizen with an honest mind and a pragmatic heart.

The film gives a strong portrayal of a tyrannical state where people live in fear of questioning their government; several characters hide their tears in the face of the truth in fear of persecution.

The dominant mantra that ‘crime cannot exist in paradise’ explores the theme of courage, can Leo Demidov find the strength to oppose tyranny when he uncovers a child serial killer in the midst of Moscow, whose tracks have been covered by agents of the state. The gritty backdrop of fear and firing squads is this movies real strength, but the plot is a major let down.

When the first victim is revealed the movie is set for a gruesome manhunt, but it fails to live up to the chase as it stays focussed on cloaks and daggers instead of building on the crime thriller. The killer is even given some tardy psychological background when he’s revealed as a psycho with a towel and a bag of sweets, could we not come up with something better than a peado with a bag of toffees and a travel pass.

The movie also concludes with a life lesson that love is in fact a pragmatic consequence of environment, so the film which starts out with a romantic vibe fails to win hearts or stimulate minds.

I guess you should see this movie if you like to see actions scenes involving Tom Hardy using a knife, or if you like action scenes with Tom Hardy punching someone in the face, or if you like action scenes with Tom Hardy fighting in the mud, or maybe you just want to see Tom Hardy kicking ass in a different accent. Otherwise if you can control your popcorn addiction for a week it’s worth giving this one a miss as it doesn’t offer a whole lot more than fancy dress prepared for Netflix subscriptions. 

‘TheVoices’ is a movie that derives most of its humour from vulgarity as opposed to sharp wit or clever punch lines.  The lead character is one dimensional, doing little to explore the complexities of the human mind, instead linking mental illness with psychopathic behaviour. It’s a bit disappointing in this sense because murder is a callous and calculated crime where as poor Jerry, who seems to suffer from depression and schizophrenia, turns out to be a slapstick serial killer with a very troubled childhood. So for instance if you’re a fascist with an intolerance of the diverse society we actually live in you will probably love this film.

That said this is a black comedy, so we can’t hold it accountable for its limited attempt in explaining that victims of abuse or psychological disorders are multifaceted individuals with an equally diverse range of human emotions.  But we can judge it for being an attempt at comedy which it fails miserably. The quirky bright side of an out of touch Jerry is a clever contrast to the sinister world of severed heads and piled up pizza boxes from which he escapes, but the film lacks the intelligence of a black comedy and falls short of the laughs you’d normally associate with your average light hearted movie, so it really plays out as nothing more than a quirky gore movie with a foul mouthed cat who has a dispassionate view of his canine  companion, the kind of quarrelling pair that you find on children’s tv.

In summary this isn’t a movie worth going to see unless you’re on something, or its raining and there has been a train strike and it’s gonna take you an hour and a half to walk up hill through a ghetto to the nearest bus station which is inhabited by a pack of crazed wolves. The Monty Python / Life of Brian score at the end of the film cements the feeling of resentment towards the whole picture, trapped in the middle of the centre row of a semi crowded cinema this was probably the most pain staking three minutes of my life, for which I can remark that going to see this film has only added to the therapy bill. 

Most people will be happy to see the movie begins from where the trailer left off, one crucial decision to make behind the scope of the rifle of an American Sniper, does he take a life to save a life, and how will he live with his decision.

This isn’t your typical war movie, it’s aim is to take an artistic view of the shell shocked psyche of the American soldier in the aftermath of modern warfare, featuring everything from civilian control through terror techniques to war drone technology.

The problem with the movie is it takes you on the journey of one individual, Chris Kyle, who we follow with minute detail as he evolves from a boy, to a young man, to a husband, to a hero, to a war veteran with a troubled conscience. The problem with that is that the journey is slow moving and its transgressional nature makes it a bit hard to watch. It nearly punishes its audience into walking in the man’s shoes so that they can understand how the war actually impacts on his life.

The film has a lot going for it though, from the relaxed summer shots of family life in America, BBQ’s in green gardens, beers with friends, and the warm rush of hunting fields to the contrasting barren landscape of war torn Iraq.

The film also has a lot of realistic scenes that you’d expect from a war movie, like when Sienna Miller gets sick from drinking too much whiskey, if there is one thing I can’t stand in films these days it’s the amount of drinking that goes on without anyone falling over.

The film’s final scenes cleverly feature a well placed copy of B.F. Skinner’s ‘Science and Human Behaviour’ which is a precursor to behaviourism and explores possible ways in which human behaviour can be predicted and controlled. This one prop says a lot about why one American citizen decided to join a war fought on foreign soil, and his motivations to continue in a personal battle despite the emotional and physical impact it takes on the soldiers who fight with him. In that sense this is a story about Chris Kyle being caught in the eye of the storm, as it’s savage power desolates everyone around him.  That’s what gives the film a case for being an anti-war film, even though if you ask me an anti war movie is more like Dr Strangelove, The Last King of Scotland, or Gandhi.

The film’s plot also disappoints, part of the reason the movie is hard to watch is that there is a lack of storyline that boils down to a Marines version of Moby Dick.

The film lacks an entertainment factor and feels a bit like a blockbuster exploration into the psychological aftermath of war, which is an important statement as a generation of young Americans have been affected by this war, but most Europeans were not in favour of the war and void of the patriotic feelings that drive Chris Kyle (to protect Family, Country and God), so perhaps the movie has a select audience. If you’re already of the view that war should be avoided where sanctions can be implemented and if you’re already aware that war is more like Braveheart than Rambo then you’re not going to take anything away from the film. So congrats to Clint for making a war movie with some thought and the utmost respect to the boys who make up Team America but if you’re looking for a good evening at the cinema it doesn’t feature high up on the list as one to watch. 

The following is a brief review of singularity in cinema, the life of Stephen Hawking from his college days to the publication of his theory on the universe.  The movie begins in 1963, we get an insight into the everyday life of a young genius, he’s fun, he’s flirty, he’s a messer just like most young college kids. His charm and intellect captures the heart of the poetically sensitive Jane Wilde and love begins to bloom, but the tide soon turns on Hawking as he’s diagnosed with motor neuron disease and given two years to live. Hawking comes to terms with his mortality over a game of croquet with the very lovable Jane, I have to say I don’t really understand croquet very well so I think I missed out on some of Hawking’s game but he ends up with the girl in his bedroom so he obviously plays it just right. I think the rest of the movie plays out a little like ‘Love & Other Drugs’ but it replaces risqué romance with risqué mathematics. All in all the film is a slow moving drama, it’s concerned with the decline of the human body when afflicted with Motor Neuron, it’s about changing views in science, the depth of the cosmos and the more complicated intricacies of love. 

There’s a brief Michael Jackson moment where Hawking is left holding his baby and you’re not sure what’s going to happen, but other than that the film doesn’t really deliver on suspense. The movie doesn’t challenge the various relationships that develop within the household and fails to really deliver on the science kicks, it’s too appeasing to be entertaining and you’ll get more insight on the life of Hawking from Wikipedia. The movie is well acted and pays huge respect to a man who’s dedicated his life to scientific development, but if your inclined to see the film I’d recommend waiting for the DVD or for free-view tv to pick it up because it’s not going to have you on the edge of your seat, it’s not going to change your life and it’s just not worth venturing to the cinema to see. 

I’m going to be honest, I really liked the start of this movie, two writers falling in love in a cloud of romance couldn't be any sweeter. I spent the first twenty minutes falling in love with Amazing Amy as she tells of how she fell in love with Nick Dunne, but as the story develops cracks appear in the relationship and it’s difficult to tell where our allegiance lies, which is why we get caught up in the initial media frenzy that the movie pulls off so well.

At the turning point we find Nick Dunne is just another washed up writer in a bar downtown, his relationship is under some serious stress and we wonder if these two can make it.  Then disaster strikes as Nick comes home to find a coffee table turned over in the living room. He immediately suspects something is wrong, unemployed Amy would have had all day to clean that up, best call the police.

I've never had cops over to the house after I’ve reported someone missing but I think I’d be pretty perturbed if they suddenly left little post it notes all about the place saying ‘check this shit out’ ‘forensics need to see this’ ‘definitely evidence’ ‘blood all over the kitchen’.

Nick doesn't mind though, just happy to help out as he entangles himself further by leading the police from one clue to the next. Quick interview with the prime suspect and we learn that he doesn't know his wife that well at all, how did these two ever get married? Does Nick even love Amy? Has he ever loved her?

The best part of the thriller is wondering if Nick has something to do with his wife’s disappearance, but the film never really convinces us of his malice, in fact the movie lacks a real villain in that sense.

By that I mean the movie never really delivers an act of evil that we can use to identify the sinister criminal, the rat, the bad guy – we never get that feeling of fear where our skin crawls with discomfort. Instead we get a psychotic house wife, a cheating husband, a cop that can’t solve a crime, a teenage girl that can’t pass her exams, a sister that can’t find a husband (or a friend outside of her family), a good looking rich guy who can’t find a girlfriend, two parents who can’t find their daughter (no not the McCanns), a lawyer who can’t find a case, two mentioned marines who never find anything, a drug lord that can’t find a gun, a news anchor who can’t find more than the one news story, a Father who’s lost his mind, and a movie that loses the run of itself.

I can’t understand why this movie tries to continuously get clever with itself instead of developing one plot at a time, usually a thriller tries to play mind games with the audience by slowly building cliff hangers but this is a movie too busy trying to play mind games with itself, it moves too quickly from scene to scene in an easily explained and convenient fashion, without capturing the imagination of the viewer. It mostly just gets boring and refuses to end. Alright we get it, you’ve had a few bad relationships, let’s all just be friends again. Ultimately the film is just too Ben Afleck, sure it tries to be bold but it’s just not cut throat enough to make it off the bottom shelf.

Spoilers include  :

Why wait to get out of the hospital to have a shower?

Surely divorce would have been a better option?

Why not get search warrants straight away?

Why is there only one suspect in a murder investigation?

If you’re thinking about going seeing this movie perhaps you should have a look through your VHS collection and pick out an old Seagal movie instead, because The Equaliser isn’t going to offer you anything that you haven’t seen before, in fact it is probably the most uninventive movie of the year.

The film starts out with your typical lone ranger character working a dead end job because he’s all washed up, but everyone knows he’s some kinda neurotic psycho with a secret past. The character development continues with a focus on Denzel’s OCD, apparently having a fixation on time and neatness is an essential trait in being a Hollywood death machine. However Denzel also has a sensitive side as he likes to read books, and for the target audience who have never seen the inside cover of any of the featured novels, of which Denzel manages to read one a day, this is enough to convince them that Denzel is quite smart – an intelligent bad ass.

Enter the femme fatale, aspiring singer Teri who’s sexual nature is immediately coined by her role as a prostitute. Now Denzel could keep his head down here, enjoy his cupan tae and finish his 92nd book in peace, after all I’m sure every black ops agent who has been around the block - to the point that they fake their own death in order to receive their P45, has seen enough bad things in the world to consider reporting local prostitution to the police, would it be so incomprehensible for the police to step in and hook the girl up with social services - where she might receive some counseling, a place to stay, maybe even some support in finding a job.

Of course Teri isn’t your standard run of the mill call girl, Denzel recognizes that she is a singer and sparks up some conversation, he begins to fall for the girl’s charms/personality but it also helps that she’s a total babe. In an unusual turn of events the hero decides to buy the girl from the head pimp for exactly $9,600 (dollars). Why? Is that what a girl is worth?, is it the cost of human traffic per head?, is this all the money Denzel has?, is it the cost of a year’s supply of choc ices?, we never find out. What I do know is that Denzel by passes the security of the Russian mafia to arrive unarmed in the head office of Russia’s number one pimp and takes out four armed mobsters before returning home to finish reading ‘The Ingenious Gentleman’.

Predictably in such a movie when you kill four members of the mob it sets off a chain of events that result in bigger fish wanting the lead character/hero killed with immediate effect. Denzel continues about his business completely unarmed throughout, good guys don’t need to carry guns, but as the violence escalates the mobsters bring bigger and bigger fire arms to the table, does it matter much, of course not, because Denzel is basically some kind of DC comics character for grown ups or knuckle heads to be more precise.

We eventually get the big Hollywood explosion scene with Denzel walking away while the fire erupts behind him, but by this point the ship has already sunk on the movie. There are no meaningful twists, moments of suspense, sub plots, or interesting characters, just 101 ways Denzel can kill a Russian gangster.

When the mafia guys eventually close in on Denzel we get to see him react like a one man A-Team, taking out a well armed group of men by using power drills and sticks of glue.

The movie ends with Denzel hunting down the crime boss, who is revealed to have some kind of hearing disability whereby he can hear everything up close perfectly fine but is completely unaware of gunshots fired in the perimeter around his home moments earlier.

All in all it's a rehashed movie script that just doesn't excite, not really worth leaving the house for.