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Mortal Engines

9/12/2018

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I went to see Mortal Engines because I thought it looked a bit like a Final Fantasy adventure but boy was I wrong. I was disappointed within minutes to discover it was more about a futuristic imperial Britain swallowing up small settlements and enslaving their people, all the while on the road to war in a steampunk battle tank called London.  The double standards of the Tractionists appearing to denounce war while imposing serfdom on their captives, forcing them to join a city bound by a class system based on inequality was too much nonsense to take in at once.   

As a fantasy movie it was more borrowed than new, heavily relying on existing sci-fi concepts. For instance Anna Fang could be straight out of one of the Matrix movies (more likely the sequels than the original). The main threat of violence was also straight from the recycling bin, a killing machine in the form of the Brexitinator named Shrike, who angrily roams the desert landscape in pursuit of a handjob. The most disappointing moment is the twinkie joke which only exemplifies how unoriginal the movie is and what a letdown the script is in parts.

One of the more cinematic and eye catching aspects of this fantasy world was the city in the sky, but this also proved too ridiculous for belief when it was discovered the floors were made from paper. There was also the prison in the sea which was far from waterproof, and the great wall of the east that has no actual shield despite its name.

However Robert Sheehan and Hera Hilmar look amazing together, and not just because of the great costume design, in my opinion their chemistry salvages a bad movie. Their onscreen presence just about pulls things together to invite you into the Mortal Engines world and they keep you on board until the end. I really hope they’re both in a good movie soon, hopefully they even make a move together. The main problem with their potential love affair in this film is that they risk their lives for one another in every second scene but they never even get the shift. I remember a young lad sued coppers for less a few years ago.
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Ultimately I think Mortal Engines will be seen as 2018’s Waterworld without the comeback, as this “Mad Max/Dr Who” hybrid has little to offer the imagination and gains nothing from its kamikaze attempt at becoming a cult classic by being a complete failure on the big screen.  
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