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Cats

6/1/2020

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In the early naughties Andy Serkis opened the debate on CGI acting by performing as Golem in Lord of The Rings. Many critics wanted to see him win an Oscar for best supporting actor but this raised the question over how much of his appearance was the actor and how much was Russian interference or an Iranian hack. Would we really allow foreign interference determine who should win our Oscars?

One of the big questions was how far would CGI go or to put it bluntly at what point would too much CGI ruin the film industry. Well Tom Hooper answers this by introducing Cats the movie. This is the moment where CGI damned itself for all eternity.

​That said to blame CGI as the sole reason for this nightmare inducing catastrophe would be entirely unfair. Quite frankly whoever thought making this movie was a good idea needs a reality check and a new career, sure it's got some tasty ingredients but it's a very bad recipe that turns out to be completely indigestible.

There are professionals involved in this movie that should have refused to take part and refused to sing and refused to deliver bad lines and most of all to have refused to simulate furry cat masturbation.

The sun is dead, Judi Dench needs to publicly apologize for singing, and Taylor Swift needs to accept that she's nothing more than a cheap Instagram influencer who conned people into buying a product that does humanity more harm than good.

Growing up I never dreamed of being a cat so going into this my expectations were low but I had high hopes that I would enjoy the merry adventure. However this is one fantasy that takes you nowhere but makes you want to leave everywhere.

It's a Frankenstein imagining of Dr Moreau's island where the plot is about animal DNA infused bi-humans competing on the cat xfactor for the prize of being ritually sacrificed for the chance to be reborn, like a bad berocca boost ad that subliminally promises to fix an incurable hangover but leaves you questioning life.

The movie was a complete letdown, it was as seasonal as a dull Christmas cracker joke instead of being the contender for a week long talking point special on the Niall Boylan show, the controversial bizarre bitchfest that it should have been.

No one has the magic to rescue this movie, not Jason Derulo, not Mr MakeItStopPlease, not Gandalf, nor Jennifer Hudson - despite some suggestions. This entire movie is a car crash with dead bodies everywhere. The big screen performance of 'Memory' is like the emergency wheel in the boot that remains intact, but to suggest that spare parts are a redeeming feature is sick and inhumane.

What ever could have been rescued is killed off by CGI capitalism that unrepentantly stabs any artistic presence this movie could have had through the eye with a poisoned corkscrew. Universal studio should do a full recall of Cats and put the film reels in a vault that no human can ever unlock. Don't see it, don't think about it, never tell your children what happened.
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The Rise of Skywalker

28/12/2019

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The final trilogy in the Skywalker saga has been all about new powers, old faces, and force ghosts. The biggest flaw with the Disney installments has been their formulaic scripts but The Rise of Skywalker manages to hold onto a few surprises which just about rescue this installment.

I didn't watch this film with five star expectations, The Force Awakens thought me that, but The Last Jedi recovered some of the magic that you expect from a galaxy far far away, enough to pump me full of the right level of excitement to make me abandon my family to watch this over Christmas.

At the heart of it, episode nine is a tragic love story that breaks the rules, too many rules for some fans, but it's intrinsically beautiful if you can tuck yourself into the film....which may be difficult given Emperor Palpatine's unimaginative evil resurgence.

I'd consider myself a fan of the Star Wars universe (obviously) but to be honest I didn't enjoy the amount of gaps in Palpatines story and it's hard to forgive the vagueness of the sith world. The prequels created a thirst in me for sith darkness and this neat production failed to delve into the well of the darkside. Also the emperor just isn't frightfully evil enough, sure he mercilessly pops planets but what happens in the realm of galactic dictatorship, where are the riches, the bounty hunters, the cities that worship the dark lord?

I also would have liked to see more from Kylo, but I guess he's not Anakin. The movie opens with Kylo hunting down the emperor to slice him in two which would allow him to rule the first order but the encounter is weak, does he accept the emperor's rule, should there be more conflict, could these dark forces be pitted against one other for control of the Galaxy resulting in space battles like never seen before?

The outcome was a bit too Disney with a simplified showdown between Sith and Jedi, with Ren & Rey left to choose sides while that onscreen chemistry developed into the greatest love story ever told.

​The film produced one of the best fight scenes in the history of Star Wars, in contrast with Anakin's fight with Obi Wan in a pit of lava, Ren & Rey dual on top of a sunken death star in the middle of the ocean with towering waves curling up around them. Cinematic, powerful, and ultimately spellbinding.

Our daz white Disney star is far more appealing in this installment also, she's a real hero and the morale goodness of the Jedi shines through her. Her battle with the darkside and forcecalls with Kylo are tantalising enough to give the story enough depth to make you root for the rebels once more.

For this alone it's worth watching how the Skywalker timeline concludes, sure it could be darker at times, like we'd all have preferred to see Cheewie being captured and tortured with some tweezers and it would have been more interesting if the emperor had a personality but it is what it is. It has all the joys of Star Wars with a gentle touch that makes this an enjoyable installment. By itself it's a classic battle of good versus evil, an endearing love story, and a hero that you can believe in. Enjoy the final Skywalker movie and may the force be with you.

Image by @elithienart
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Joker

8/10/2019

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To say this film is dark is an injustice, it's a total lunar eclipse, an artistic enactment of the destruction of a man's soul. He who was once kind, caring, loving, lived in a city of struggles, he who carried on despite the emotional and physical beatings, because his life had a purpose to make people smile, an unguided search for the gift of laughter in a world of comedy he doesn't understand.

Ultimately this rent a clown has no future in the insufferable gag economy where's he's only one bad day away from lashing out and losing what little foothold he has left in life.

We've all seen movies where characters overcome physical injury or disability to triumph against the odds but the Joker is a different side to this familiar narrative.

Instead of watching a person with a physical handicap we are buckled down for an intense unraveling of a man's mental health, or possible the thawing of a heavily medicated individual with a mental disorder. Joaquin Phoenix plays the part all too well for we are tortured with the unpleasant experience of viewing life as Arthur Fleck. No one can be comfortable watching his performance as a mentally sick outcast. His physical appearance and protruding rib cage reminds us of how unhealthy he is, or maybe the hopelessness of his impoverished situation causes us the most unease.

Fleck is pitiful, lonesome, with no chance of a decent future. Nor does he triumph. He disintegrates into the the centre of darkness and only from the ashes does something emerge, but it's hateful, vengeful, and extremely violent.

There is a prophetic scene where joker watches Charlie Chaplin skate on the edge of a second floor balcony, unknownst to the danger of the perilous drop he teeters on. This becomes the comedy that Fleck finally identifies with, a comedy of chaos that will soon define Gotham City.

The film has lots of references to the batman realm but a reflection of current trends makes it more ingrained in the viewers world than the comic book universe. It's not meant to be political or to inspire a copy cat movement but ever so subtly with trends like "eat the rich" masquerading as Jokers "kill the rich" the life-art-death veil feels almost transparent and it's hard not to draw the conclusion that there's an element of social commentary present throughout.

That aside the Jokers brilliance lies in its pain, there is no joy here, you'll most likely leave the cinema feeling like you've been poisoned. Strip away the comic book aspects and this is a traumatic movie built on human suffering. I'd recommend viewing only if you must but remember you get what you deserve.

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Tradition

18/9/2019

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This week I went to see a home grown movie called "Tradition", a comedy set in a district court in the heart of Kerry.

Tradition unveils the shinnanigans of a court house in the town of Killarney, some true and some not so true cases are presented before a judge in moral dilemma, will he take on the GAA and end insider betting or will he be influenced by personal gain or other motives. His rulings are dependent on his mood and his judgements are decided on personal persuasions, as such crimes of roguery are excusable while the unexplainable is admissible.

When you consider this movie was made for less than the price of an episode of the Late Late Show you'd have to wonder what RTE actually do with their budget, if this film does anything, it makes the point that the national broadcaster should be encouraging more community made TV, film that captures the heart and soul of Ireland.

In America; films that are culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant get treasured in the National Film Registry. This reflects the importance film plays in society, as film makers capture culture, how we view ourselves, and the world around us.

Tradition might not win any Oscars, it's a collage of bar jokes, tomfoolery, and one liners which can possibly be attributed to the late Brendan Grace, who plays a central role in this low budget Kerry based concoction of satire and emotion.

It also fails to break out of the mould of country comedy such as "Bachelors in Trouble" or "Killinascully" and it's colloquial humour may limit its screenings to film festivals and the in flight movie panel. However it does give life to the possibility of more movies being made in local Ireland, featuring Irish talent alongside the captain of the hurling team and the county's star stand up comedian.

​"Tradition" shows us that making movies is achievable and big ideas can break through the 'short film' barrier, a category that most Irish cinema has been defined by. It's a movie that movie makers will appreciate because it lays a foundation stone for possibility, an achievement I'm sure screenwriter and director Damian O'Callaghan will receive plenty of praise for as patrons of Irish cinema grow in confidence to back more feature length projects set in rural Ireland.
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The Mustang

3/9/2019

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The Mustang is a film depicting real life rehabilitation therapy programs used in prisons in several states in America (you can guess which ones) where convicts are taught how to love again by building emotional connections with wild horses, presumably the kind of supporting relationships not provided by their parents, because yes, raising your kids backwards will result in poor behaviour and teenage pregnancies.

The main character, Roman, has the personality of a Dublin bus driver and the temperament of McGregor selling whiskey. He's a man with heavy fists and a soft heart. His strength in body allows him to maintain his independence in the prison yard, he makes no alliances and it's questionable if he makes any friends, but he observes his surroundings and he's willing to go to battle against those who thread on his dreams.

By joining Roman Coleman on his journey we discover that some crimes have complex motives and it's not always easy to judge a man for his actions.

This made me realise that although Dublin bus is an advertisement for the taxi industry it's not fair to assume that all drivers are rude because of their upbringing. Some might have had good parents but are just innate assholes, some might be angry because they weren't lucky enough to win the lotto, and some might think it's acceptable behaviour to shout at pensioners.

Either way, just like Roman they are practicing cowboys hoping for a better future and a chance to find inner freedom, because you can't love others if you hate yourself.

The parallels between Roman and the wild horse he's trying to tame are evident from the get go. As he comes to learn more about his horse "Marquis" he learns to tame himself and in doing so he opens up for the first time since his sentencing.

Unlike getting on Dublin bus this movie is relatively family friendly, it's got a lot of soul and pensioners rate it as a much more pleasant experience than asking drivers for assistance.

Although we've only travelled with Roman for a short period in his life we get a sense that change is possible. Although his future is unclear I would hold out more hope for him than the income of a Dublin bus post driver post automation, where buses are run by computers and drivers make a living off of a reasonable standard of customer service.

​Redemption is for everyone.
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Midsommar

26/7/2019

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This isn't a horror movie, horror movies happen in the dark, nothing can prepare you for this.

Midsommar is a sick twisted movie that takes place exclusively in daylight, it's characters are engulfed with anxiety and distress and their journey is one that can only be enjoyed by psychopaths, sadists, hebephiles, anthropologists, stone sniffers, and Australians.

Forget your initial thoughts; this film is as closely related to Bridget Jones's Diary as it is to The Wicker Man. At its very core the film deals with the energy of our emotions, primarily channeled through the lead character Dani who's struggling with her relationship. She's a deeply empathetic and intelligent young lassy, studying psychology to help understand her sisters bio-polar syndrome and also coming to terms with bereavement. Dani's forgiving aptitude for her boyfriend's insular outlook on life is what makes her such a good judge of character.

Their trip to Sweden with college friends is designed to turn your head upside down. You're soon knee deep in the tribal rituals of this reclusive commune with cult vibes sticking out like thorns. Their religion is based on a series of mantras and aums that connect with emotion and don't be surprised if you find yourself picking up the desire to join in. No one in the cinema is going to judge you for connecting with the expressive nature of their traditions. By immersing yourself you will have the chance to overcome the conformity of Western society and understand the deeper meaning of community. So chant and scream out loud if you want to.

Despite the stunning garden setting, the folk music, and the rituals the talking point of Midsommar will be how it actually managed to get a general release, considering it has what can only be described as a graphic depiction of a minor getting raped.

For this reason I would have to say don't bring your loved ones along unless you're getting separated, don't bring your friends unless you're all drinking mushroom tea, don't even bring that random stranger from the bus stop unless he's a confused neo nazi who gets inspired by Christian symbolism and hidden references to Jesus.

No this is a solo adventure, to be experienced alone by yourself, so that when you walk out of the cinema crying, thinking that you might never talk to anyone about what you've witnessed, wondering if you'll ever sleep again, considering how you get in touch with support groups, know that this movie went somewhere no horror movie has ever looked before.

(Image by @KatePrescesky)
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The Bad Batch

19/3/2019

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The MadMax furyroad movie left me with a feeling of unfinished business until I discovered a Netflix movie called Badbatch that filled the void.

Stumbled upon accidently after viewing a trailer on YouTube staring a sunburnt Jim Carey in a showdown with Khal Drogo. The clip was so intense it made my skin itch and I had to put my life on pause to watch the whole movie.

The premise of Badbatch appears to be that the line between good and evil is vague yet with dire consequences. Lessons on humanity aside this is the dystopian visual spectacle that FuryRoad failed to be. Rated R it challenges you to find your comfort zone with amputations, cannibalism, drug use, and contextual violence.

Suki Waterhouse plays the central role in this desert dream, unsure of her faith she has to discover the meaning of her purgatory in order to find redemption. With some southern twang and a rustic landscape this movie could be a crossover between Terrence Malick's Days of Heaven and the gore filled Hostel.

​For an alternative reality experience this is a movie you must watch, it builds a surreal world which could be easily described as a modern art visualisation featuring Keanu Reeves, and you can experience this in the comfort of your own home, with or without the drugs of your preference.
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The Aftermath

26/2/2019

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I consider myself very lucky to have got tickets to the Dublin Film Festival's screening of the elegant war time film Aftermath. The evening opened with an introduction by one of the film's young stars, Fionn O'Shea who said being part of this film was "a dream come true" which was the perfect prelude to this post war fantasy.

Set in a time before Brexit, long before the Germans learned to speak English and kick Britain out of the EU, long before people exposed everything about themselves on the internet. In a time after the great war and the war after that, but before therapy helped people deal with tragedy and before Nespresso replaced tea in the English kitchen.

Now we've all seen plenty of war time films so it's quite intriguing to see a movie take on a different angle in the toil and tumble of post war Europe. Aftermath is a movie about rebuilding and recovering what has been lost, and with themes of compassion forgiveness and reconciliation it has plenty of ammo to bring you to tears time and time again.

Set in the ruins of Hamburg, just five months after World War Two the cinematography is outstanding with the best opening sequence I've seen in a film since Lord of War. The contrast between the bomb shelled buildings in the city to the safe haven of the snow topped manor is absolutely breathtaking. The home's heart is it's piano, a significant prop that forms part of the emotional veins that run through this movie.

Keira Knightley plays the lead role but not just as the centre of the ensuing love triangle, no Keira performs with the stage presence you'd expect from the most glamorous cinema star of our generation. I often wonder what she'd be like in other classic love stories like Rebecca, Titanic, or The Painted Veil but when she's able to select movies like this and make instant classics of her own it's no wonder she's got such box office appeal.

Keira Knightley fandom aside there is a wonderful cast in the film with each of the characters searching for something of their own, whether it's a lost mother figure, a post war wife, or a friendly führer replacement, every character leaves their heart on their sleeve trying to fill the void. In fact the depth of love is explored from more angles than a Hugh Grant movie marathon while we also experience the characters fears and grievances, which make this one of the most emotional packed movies you'll ever see.

Aftermath has a very powerful ending that I'm sure will have critics talking for weeks. For me it's an instant classic that I can't wait to watch again but if you're not a fan of the Keira Knightley genre it might not capture your imagination, which means you'll never really experience World War Two PTSD the way you want to. For those of you that adore the genre this movie comes easily recommended.
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Alita: Battle Angel

17/2/2019

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Looking back over 90’s movies with special effects can sometime be cringe to the point of being unbearable but Alita helps us forget the time before CGI by seamlessly integrating computer generated characters with regular old movie stars. I now believe that robot children and Hollywood A-listers can finally live side by side without developing into a messy lawsuit years later.

Alita Battle Angel is a CGI master class that changes the face of entertainment in the same way Avatar did back in 2009.  This film is the 21st century equivalent of ballet, its peak entertainment and there is a whole lot more to come as a result. This film showcases CGI being integrated in perfect harmony with traditional cinema, prepare to enter a fantasy world without even noticing.

Alita holds a great storyline, it feels more like a limited series in the sense that it’s not rushed together or chasing towards an impossible ending. There are plenty of characters to like and hate which helps give a sense of depth and reality to the movie, while also introducing elements of comic book seduction much like Sin City did. There are also plenty of different areas of interest in IronCity, it’s a wonderful landscape all by itself, from the streets to the underground, from the Sky City to the badland lakes. There are also dark elements to this wonderful city from sinister Hunter Warriors, to body part collectors, and characters driven by self interest regardless of cost.

The cyborg Alita begins her reawakening as a child android on a path to self discovery. Thirty minutes in and she’s into adolescent phase discovering bad boys, motorball, and chocolate which adds to the humour of the film. It also develops into a cute love story which makes you wonder if Twitter bots are all that bad, can humans love automated intelligence, is there room for botboyfriends in the real world? This film holds the answer to that question.

What makes this movie so intriguing is how you get drawn into caring for the young robot with  android eyes and a human brain, ultimately Alita is a relatable character, more so than say Scarlet Johansson’s attempt at playing robot consciousness in Ghost in the Shell, similar concept, one clear winner. Alita has such a hidden history that we only get to discover the tip of the iceberg in this installment, I can only imagine there will be sequels and prequels to dive into this fantasy world in years to come, this could very well be a universe to potentially match the Star Wars realm and it might just be time to hang up your lightsaber.

The best thing that can be said about this movie is that it is literally a film for everyone, there is nobody on this green earth that could possibly dislike it, it’s an action packed righteousness adventure where dog lovers triumph and bad guys get punished. Alita not only has a human heart but also has a touch of soul that resonates with everyone. This is one film you shouldn’t miss if you’re emotionally ready for the future of cinema, the technology is here and it may very well be the perfect time to remake “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” as well as opening up the real potential of visual entertainment like you never imagined possible. 
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Mortal Engines

9/12/2018

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I went to see Mortal Engines because I thought it looked a bit like a Final Fantasy adventure but boy was I wrong. I was disappointed within minutes to discover it was more about a futuristic imperial Britain swallowing up small settlements and enslaving their people, all the while on the road to war in a steampunk battle tank called London.  The double standards of the Tractionists appearing to denounce war while imposing serfdom on their captives, forcing them to join a city bound by a class system based on inequality was too much nonsense to take in at once.   

As a fantasy movie it was more borrowed than new, heavily relying on existing sci-fi concepts. For instance Anna Fang could be straight out of one of the Matrix movies (more likely the sequels than the original). The main threat of violence was also straight from the recycling bin, a killing machine in the form of the Brexitinator named Shrike, who angrily roams the desert landscape in pursuit of a handjob. The most disappointing moment is the twinkie joke which only exemplifies how unoriginal the movie is and what a letdown the script is in parts.

One of the more cinematic and eye catching aspects of this fantasy world was the city in the sky, but this also proved too ridiculous for belief when it was discovered the floors were made from paper. There was also the prison in the sea which was far from waterproof, and the great wall of the east that has no actual shield despite its name.

However Robert Sheehan and Hera Hilmar look amazing together, and not just because of the great costume design, in my opinion their chemistry salvages a bad movie. Their onscreen presence just about pulls things together to invite you into the Mortal Engines world and they keep you on board until the end. I really hope they’re both in a good movie soon, hopefully they even make a move together. The main problem with their potential love affair in this film is that they risk their lives for one another in every second scene but they never even get the shift. I remember a young lad sued coppers for less a few years ago.
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Ultimately I think Mortal Engines will be seen as 2018’s Waterworld without the comeback, as this “Mad Max/Dr Who” hybrid has little to offer the imagination and gains nothing from its kamikaze attempt at becoming a cult classic by being a complete failure on the big screen.  
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