Fianna Fail have published a manifesto that appeals to young families and conservative grannies. It’s nicely spaced out over 148 pages so here’s the gist of election promises in a nutshell:

There is a touch of Roald Dahl about a plan to deliver edible playgrounds for children, get your five a day while you play. The grand plan also gets hands on with internet porn; promising to protect children from online adult content. Remember there are no good apples on pornhub and nothing says privacy like blue-ray. FF also disapprove of revenge porn and with talks of enacting new laws to criminalise rompy romances gone bad there might be a whole new recruitment programme needed in Templemore, because the regular porn programme they currently have leaves new garda completely unprepared for the real world of Tinder blackmail.

FF plan on reducing USC which is ridiculous considering it is the fairest tax we have. Any reduction in USC means the lower income household pays USC for longer. What we need is for lower earners to take home a fairer portion of their wages by increasing the income tax brackets. I’ve discussed this in unconscionability previously. There is plenty of wording about middle income earners but don’t forget rich people love more money too and FF haven’t forgotten about them either. They plan to reduce capital gains tax from 33% to 25%; which could be the difference of between €250m to €500m in the budget every year. Basically freeing up casino money for property hoarders. Remember our public expenditure remains the same and this is a lot of money to make up in any budget so this should be a huge consideration if you’re thinking about voting for FF. To put it in context over a period of ten years this is the cost of one Bank bailout, and we’re still paying for the last one. So until our debt is clear I think the wealth holders should continue to pay their share.

FF’s big give away is a €2,000 tax credit for child minders, which will no doubt buy them some votes. Speaking of which there’s also more money for the public sector, with the planned introduction of a living wage of €12.30 per hour. An Ireland for all, especially if you’re in the inner circle.

FF put a big focus on Health and Housing in the way you’d expect an established party of their stature to have done, especially when they’re looking to gain seats. FF want to increase bed capacity, which could mean more beds or bigger beds; two people to a bed is one way of solving the trolley crises and has been known to cure some illnesses (temporarily). I’ll be talking more about these topics later so let’s move on. On trend they’ve also gone after the green vote promising to ban plastics and smoky coal.

There is big talk on tackling knife crime and dangerous gambling which is welcomed. There is also a full section on education and rural Ireland. The big promise here is broadband and mobile phone coverage, both pipedreams of the western world. Sensible developments include introducing commercial rate relief for rural business which might give some small towns a lifeline, for many more this would have been handy in 1980.

There is an entire page dedicated to the FAI, six pages for farmers, and a page on a new app called “Fix My Pothole”; which is basically the Healy Rae manifesto (proven vote earner).

In the arts section FF promise to deliver a Republic of Readers which is both non committal and lazy. That’s the job of our schools and art is about much more than public libraries. Book clubs for old folks is an awful attempt to win votes and they might as well lead with the slogan “some knitting done, more knitting to do”, because Michael-D tea cosies are of more modern artistic value than say Cecelia Ahern’s “PS I Love You”. This section really annoys me because I keep imagining some nice old lady trapped in a once fully occupied five bedroom house, wishing she had wifi so she could skype her kids who had to immigrate to Australia because Fianna Fail frantic economics left them without a future at home, and Michael Martin turns up to the door one day to read her a chapter from Robinson Crusoe and the worst thing is that she invites him in and makes him tea and he drinks it. 

There are some final pages on Brexit, the border, and the defence forces. The big call out being some poorly thought out words about a free trade agreement with the UK; and I doubt the EU will leave the backdoor open for Boris. 

(Picture by Harry Burton @HBtoons) 

Dublin Rathdown a constituency that covers Stillorgan, Dundrum, and Churchtown. For those of you not overly familiar with Dublin it’s the leafy middle class suburbs where Shane Ross topped the poll in 2016.

In second, third, and fourth place were Josepha Madigan (FG), Catherine Martin (GP) and Alan Shatter (FG). Unfortunately for Alan it’s a three seat constituency.

It would be a difficult place to come win a seat, Fianna Fail are trying to win two. Into that mix comes Patrick Noonan who seems to have a policy for everyone; but that’s what makes him interesting.

His website bio opens with a quote from Patrick Kavanagh, something that reflects the self confidence of someone you could only find in this part of the world, but perhaps you need to have strong self-belief if you want to make a difference.

“Did a man like Charlie ever notice the butterflies? That man was wise in the ways of the world. But wasn’t it easy been wise in that small way. The meanest minds became the great ones of the world’s wisdom because the really fine minds saw that such success wasn’t worthwhile. Politicians, businessmen and all that breed could be beaten blind at their own game if the good men tried. He was quite sure of that”.

But Patrick’s middle class aspirations don’t end there; a vote for Noonan is a vote for Ireland’s first planetarium, public saunas, polygamy, subsidised gym membership, and an end to surprise cinema ads.

He’s also gone right after that millennial vote with a campaign for universal basic income, lowering the voting age to 16, and wants to offer Julian Assange asylum.

With over 70 policies on the website he has a more readily available election manifesto than Fianna Fail and it’s not all notions in the wind either. Some good ideas that you might not hear others talk about include introducing Public Car Insurance, building an All Ireland Hiking Trail Network, and introducing a Ministry of Serendipity. Ok this last one just shows that he’s got Cadburys in his pocket, the amount of lobbying going on these days is ridiculous. The following is all from his site, just skip to the Ministry of Serendipity if in doubt about where this is going.

Public Car Insurance
Car insurance in Ireland is one of the highest in the EU. For years the government has tried to get the insurance companies to reduce their costs. Sadly, the car insurance incentives are still geared towards fleecing the average consumer. You can’t blame the insurance companies for this, they are bound by their shareholders and doing what any amoral corporate entity would do. As such, government policy is required to realign the incentives of the industry. A public insurance option would be the best way to achieve this. Such models already exist in some provinces in Canada. Essentially, since car insurance is legally mandated for consumers the usual free-market economics can’t work as standard. The public insurance option would operate like a normal car insurance company but would be backed by the Irish government and run on a not-for-profit model. Citizens would still need to pay for insurance but since it would just need to break-even the premiums would be lower. The ultimate aim is to provide a better service for a cheaper price. This would then properly incentivise the private car insurance companies to either adapt or die.

An All Ireland Hiking Trail Network
Ireland is one of the world’s most beautiful countries and boasts some of the most hospitable people to boot. Whilst we do have many great hiking trails scattered across Ireland (The Wicklow Way starting right here in Rathdown) there isn’t a reliable infrastructure in place to make it a truly attractive place for hiking.

As such we need to do three things:

1. Invest in a series of connected way-marked hiking trails that run through all 32 counties in Ireland
2. Create a network of simple huts and rain barrels (for drinking water) every 10/20km
3. Introduce right to roam and camp laws like they have in Scotland and Sweden e.g. allow anyone to pitch a tent for a night so long as they’re 500m from a road, house etc.

Doing these 3 simple steps would have massive cultural and economic benefits for the entire island. As well as for our own physical and mental health too. For example, on the Camino de Santiago for every euro a hiker spends along the trail it generates up 18% in local employment in rural areas. On the Appalachian Trail in the USA, which goes through 14 states and has between 2 and 4 million hikers every year, they found that rural towns near the trail each received up to $2 million from the hikers passing through every year. On the Te Araroa trail in New Zealand, which spans the entire country, from just the 1200 people who hiked the whole thing last year they generated $12 million NZD , all pumped backed into the local rural economies. Visit Scotland in 2015 found walking tourism generated £1.26 billion to the Scottish economy. There is no reason Ireland couldn’t do the same.

Ireland is a perfect location for such a trail because:

• We’re damn beautiful
• We’re damn friendly
• We speak English
• We have a temperate climate (can hike all year round)
• We don’t have any dangerous animals (such as bears, snakes)
• We have a large diaspora who want to explore our country

Whilst a lot of the economic benefit comes from international hikers coming to explore Ireland, there would also be great benefits for all Irish citizens who would know that, in any county in the country, they could hike to anywhere else they wanted to, safely. As well as ensuring that everyone has a trail nearby if they just want to hike for an hour or a night. The mental health and health benefits of being out in nature can’t be overstated. The trail could also be graded for bikes and/or horses. The Pacific Crest Trail in the US, which goes from the Mexican border all the way up to the Canadian border, is an example of a trail that is graded for hikers, cyclers and horse riders. It would also be a great partnership project for Ireland and Northern Ireland to work on to ensure all 32 counties have connecting hiking trails.
 
Ministry of Serendipity
A lean rag-tag team of approx 5 people with a small budget of approx €10 million with the mission to create and propagate instances of serendipitous joy and happiness across the country. Whilst most government ministries have clear briefs and upfront projects, the purpose of the Ministry of Serendipity is to create random joy for Irish citizens.

We don’t know what they could do but if you happen upon it, you’ll smile.
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This would be rolled out incrementally and the concept validated on its outcomes. If after a year or two, people didn’t feel it was beneficial on the whole then it would be scrapped.

With the election set for the 8th of February it’s time to kick it up a gear and start talking politics. I’m going to see if I can do at least ten days of blogging by sharing some profiles and policy differences with you.

Fine Gael came into power in 2011 on a reform agenda, led by Enda The Braveheart, they promised to get us a better deal in Europe, to deliver a completely new healthcare system, and to eradicate the Seanad (something they never campaigned for once put to the people).

Long since then we have a completely new Fine Gael. No longer the party of reform and more like the party of maintain; it might very well be that their time is up. So let’s look at some of their policies and how they differ to the other parties.

Day 1 Climate Change

Fine Gael have a comprehensive action plan that can be summarised in two words “Carbon Taxes”. This government hasn't been very serious about climate change, but Paschal cleverly increased carbon taxes when it looked certain that we'd fail to meet 2020 emissions targets. They plan to raise €90m in carbon taxes in 2020, which will go towards funding climate action measures, but the reality is that by failing to meet our targets we will have to fork out €150 million to pay for carbon credits. So it looks like poor management has led to another bill the Irish taxpayer has to pick up, another silent theft without so much as a call for a blood soaked revolution. Rating 2/5
 
Labour want to achieve net carbon emissions by 2050 in line with the Paris Agreement. Labour’s big idea is to introduce a diversification task force for farmers; which is presumably a team of fresh-faced UCD students knocking on farmers doors to tell them about the benefits of hemp production. They also want farmers to grow more trees and to pedestrianise Dublin City centre. Basically playing fiddle to the Dublin commuter and peddling the dream that climate change can happen in other pockets of Ireland. Rating 3/5

The Green Party support carbon taxes which would make you wary but they’ve got strong opinions on climate change action; such as divesting the state completely from fossil fuels and banning exploration & drilling. The Greens intend to transition to a 100% decarbonised power system which sounds like the fuel used in star trek but really means more solar panels and wind turbines. Rating 5/5

Interestingly Sinn Fein don’t believe in Carbon Taxes, at least not right now as people haven’t been given a fair chance to transition. They also want to ban fracking and the importation of fracked gas. Sinn Fein’s big call out is to ensure data centres are self powered by 100% renewable energy. Similar to Labour’s policy of blame the farmers except SF are targeting corporations and IT centres. Rating 4/5

Solidarity/People Before Profit: Several years to form one party and yet two websites going into election 2020, one of the most disappointing aspects of this alliance. Solidarity suggest taking the agribusiness and “big business” into democratic public ownership, I guess we’re to presume this will lead to carbon neutrality. PBP have more sensible approaches such as investing in cycling and walking infrastructure but with such universal language it’s hard to say if they have any exciting ideas of their own. Rating 1/5

It’s as if the 2020 election has taken Fianna Fail by complete surprise, their website is completely dysfunctional. Their policies are nowhere to be seen which is hysterical to members of FG but most concerning for members of the public. Presumably most of FFs vote comes from people without broadband and the web-page is for when they're on daytrips to Dublin. From the gist of what FF have posted on their news section they seem to be more aware of climate change than Danny Healy Rae but less sure about how to deal with it. Rating 0/5

The Social Democrats propose incentivising carbon sequestration through forestry and wetland initiatives. They also propose specific domestic targets on emission reduction and fossil fuel use. They want to promote the use of electric cars through better grants and charging infrastructure. The Social Dems have a lot of well meaning language in their policy document but they’re not overly convincing, for instance they say they’re in favour of legislation to restrict the use of single use plastic but they don’t expand on this or state if it’s for the commercial and/or consumer sector. Rating 3/5