Finally some of Ireland's best loved shebeens are set to put an end to the pubdemic by opening their doors early, but its not all rosy in the beer garden as opening ahead of schedule comes with some tight restrictions:

• All bar stools will be removed from their beloved location in front of the taps
• No smoking inside or outside the premises
• Under no circumstances is anyone allowed call one for the road
• No jerseys, no tinder, no dancing
• Lock ins must have a garda permit
• Soup of the day will be oxtail on all menus  
• The forever Taoiseach's Broadcasts are to be played on loop on all screens
• Doors close at 3pm Fridays.

Drinking games are to be replaced with philosophical chats such as would you rather be a landlord or have Covid 19?

Where in depth knowledge, of what some people consider the most over rated pandemic of the century is not necessarily required, it is beneficial to have some opinions to contribute towards pub talk, such as;

"I hear China didn’t even have it at all now, it was mumps they had, America had it first"
"That Tom Hanks fella was faking it"
"I know care homes are high risk but we’re hardly going to let them out in public now"

There will also be covid restrictions on some pub games;

• Only red pool balls on the pool table. One player at a time, you must bring your own pool queue
• One dart throw per person
• Poker players must be willing to lose everything they own or not play at all 

As there are no tourists around this year half pints of Guinness will no longer be sold. Regular pints of Guinness must be drank in three sups, no more, no less. If sups are evenly spaced out they may be followed by a small one to honour the status of a real pint drinker. 

You might have thought Netflix showcased the greatest miscarriage of justice in American history with the screening of Making A Murderer, but it appears the tv network is about to go a whole level deeper into the world of psychological entertainment with a documentary called Audrie & Daisy. The film tells the story of two teenage girls who were sexually assaulted and depicts the intense emotional trauma they receive from public shaming in the aftermath of their attacks.

In hindsight I feel this film should come with a viewer warning, as it peels back the paper thin layers of a sensitive fifteen year old girl, Audrie Pott, who hangs herself without leaving a note, and before your tears dry it travels through every fibre of your body as it retells the story of Daisy Coleman, who at the age of fourteen was raped and left for dead by senior high school students.

Prepare to be emotionally outraged, you are about to relive a young girls last breath, to shoulder the cross of blame culture in America, this film will make you question your faith, if you have a teenage daughter you will crumble in fear for her safety. 

The documentary is such a compelling watch it will have you stomping the dust at your feet like a bull in a rodeo, it will prod you into an intense fury before leaving you helpless and at an absolute loss as to why the law doesn’t protect minors from rape the way it should.

It will leave you wanting to reach out to the victims of cyber bullying and suicide. Screenshots of social media messages such as “Kiss my closing eyes, help me sleep” express the anguish and suffering these young girls endured, messages which will break your heart.  

There are many lessons to be learned from this film, such as young girls like to gossip, that you should never drink from the bitch cup, and that all victims of rape need to be heard. They need to be heard and supported. Their voice needs to be so loud that men, be they adolescent or otherwise, know that there is no excuse for attacking, abusing, or shaming women. Their voice needs to be carried by all those who want their daughters to feel safer than Liam Neeson’s first child.

“We can’t ignore an army of voices, the words of our enemies aren’t as awful as the silence of our friends” Daisy Coleman
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Illustration by Jesse Lenz

Drink Responsibly is a tagline drink companies use to distance themselves from the carnage of alcohol abuse, they're basically saying 'if you were responsible this wouldn't have happened, it's hardly our fault'.

These companies sponsor horrific ‘don’t drink & drive’ advertising campaigns to further distance themselves from their responsibilities. After all it’s against the law to drink and drive, if you were responsible this wouldn’t happen. These campaigns also act as a benchmark of the meaning of responsibility. If we consider actually murdering someone by driving whilst intoxicated as our meaning of being irresponsible then everything else between brushing your teeth in the morning to getting blitz out of your mind on a Friday night, prior to murdering a pedestrian by means of operating a moving vehicle, falls within the bracket of responsibility.

The fact is if we want to be responsible about how we drink we need to change our perception of what drink is and what it does to us. To do this we need to take more control over how drink companies advertise. They are very clever at clouding the negative effects of alcohol and extremely savvy at promoting the momentary bliss that comes with complete intoxication.

We need to learn that despite what the adverts tell us, drinking alcohol does not mean everyone is suddenly having fun, it doesn’t mean we are at a party, it isn’t the only source of meeting new people, it doesn’t mean we can now dance or sing better than before, it doesn’t increase your chances of finding the things you’re looking for in life or whatever it is the drink companies are telling us these days.

We need to be more aware that the consequence of too much alcohol isn’t just outright murder. We need to take a mental note that alcohol is a drug and just slightly too much can leave you feeling depressed and/or stressed. If we want to drink responsibly we need to know what the results will look like, otherwise it’s rather an empty message.

Ultimately I think if society is to be responsible over preventing the truth from being diluted we need to ensure that the cash rich drink industry doesn’t control the perception of alcohol. Tobacco companies aren’t allowed target us with tv advertising, billboards or radio ads and I don’t believe drink companies should be allowed to either.  France, Norway, Russia, Ukraine, India, Myanmar, Sri Lanka, and Kenya have all banned advertising on television and billboards so this is not a new concept. I think it’s just about time we answer the drink companies call to take responsibility and look to make changes in the way we perceive alcohol, and that begins with putting an end to their propaganda.