The fast paced spread of the coronavirus if nothing else proves just how possible the zombie apocalypse really is. On the plus side Ireland is now 99.9% bacteria free thanks to a nationwide cleaning frenzy known as the great Detol detox, which keeps us free from Salmonella but won’t do anything to stop the T-Virus.
How ready is Ireland for an extinction event you might ask? Well prevention is the best cure which might explain why my local shop is completely out of hand sanitizer, bacteria wipes, rectal thermometers, baked beans, and soft tissues....but then again it’s like that approaching every St Patrick's day these days.
The other thing you can do to prepare is to cancel your holiday plans to Iran, South Korea, and/or Italy. In fact there has never been a better time to book a vacation to Rathaspeck, the only town in the western world which is guaranteed corona free and guaranteed to remain corona free until at least COVID-94.
The other thing you can do is to take time off work, it’s recommended you take two weeks in self isolation. You’ll need this time to binge watch Bear Grylls Man Vs Wild to learn how to survive. Finally a socially acceptable reason to butcher your neighbour’s cat I hear you think, technically this is still against the law but there’s nothing stopping you from practicing to catch it and its people like you the future needs.
The final thing you need to do is to contact those mostly at risk to the virus. If you have any elderly relatives, friends with heart conditions, or young children now is the time to reach out and say your goodbyes, there’s no point waiting till they’re gone. Or if you fall into one of those categories maybe you can make one of those posthumous videos asking people not to panic, but for the love of god don’t be complacent, the death virus will get you all.
How ready is Ireland for an extinction event you might ask? Well prevention is the best cure which might explain why my local shop is completely out of hand sanitizer, bacteria wipes, rectal thermometers, baked beans, and soft tissues....but then again it’s like that approaching every St Patrick's day these days.
The other thing you can do to prepare is to cancel your holiday plans to Iran, South Korea, and/or Italy. In fact there has never been a better time to book a vacation to Rathaspeck, the only town in the western world which is guaranteed corona free and guaranteed to remain corona free until at least COVID-94.
The other thing you can do is to take time off work, it’s recommended you take two weeks in self isolation. You’ll need this time to binge watch Bear Grylls Man Vs Wild to learn how to survive. Finally a socially acceptable reason to butcher your neighbour’s cat I hear you think, technically this is still against the law but there’s nothing stopping you from practicing to catch it and its people like you the future needs.
The final thing you need to do is to contact those mostly at risk to the virus. If you have any elderly relatives, friends with heart conditions, or young children now is the time to reach out and say your goodbyes, there’s no point waiting till they’re gone. Or if you fall into one of those categories maybe you can make one of those posthumous videos asking people not to panic, but for the love of god don’t be complacent, the death virus will get you all.
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